We've considered every minute detail, and the things that have taken most of our consideration (and money) are things that will affect our guests. We have spent a lot of money on our venue, food and entertainment, as these are things that all our guests will get to enjoy throughout the day and evening, whereas we are spending less money on our dresses, cake etc. Its really important to us that everyone has a good time, especially as none of our guests live in our venue location. In addition to this, we have spent ages planning our guest lists, so that everyone has someone they know (and due to this, have gone over our planned numbers!)
We've worried about suppliers being fully booked, affording everything, people liking the food, the weather, having time to set up our venue on the day, people being bored if there is a gap, which hotel rooms to use, our vows...the list goes on. One thing we didn't consider, that absolutely never crossed our mind, is that people wouldn't come.
We have started to send out our save the dates, as it is about a year until our big day, mainly because we are marrying on a week day and people will need to organise time off work. And we have already had 6 'no's (about a fifth of our day time list!).
The first 'no' we had was from L's uncle (dad's sister's husband) who has aways been really nice to us both, to the point of L's granny telling him to stop chatting to us incase he was boring us! He is however, extremely religious, which perhaps explains his refusal to come to our wedding due to 'not agreeing with it'. He didn't express this view to us personally, we were told through other members of L's family- who weren't happy with his decision, and told him so. His wife, however, is still coming, and as she is wheelchair bound, is bringing a carer instead of her husband.
I then had a phone call from my mum to say my aunty (her sister) and uncle weren't coming. They gave the excuse that our wedding day is on her birthday and they had planned to go to Devon for the week. She's known the date of the wedding for a long time, and even commented something along the lines of 'oh thats nice, its on my birthday', but, she said, it's her 65th, so after much consideration they've decided they would rather go away to celebrate that week. She has now admitted to her sister it's because neither her or her husband 'agree with it' (see the theme appearing?!). This has caused much more of a problem than L's uncle not wanting to come, as my mum is absolutely furious with her sister, and has taken it really personally. This also means their grown - up son won't be coming either.
Finally two of L's uncles, and its simply because they cannot get childcare for the two nights they are staying (the ceremony is at 12 and they have a 4hr drive so are staying the previous night too). Fair enough, especially as their wives (L's aunties - her dads sisters) are still coming. For this we completely understand, and are really honoured that her aunties are coming still. They'll probably have more fun with no husbands or children anyway!
Although in a way it doesn't matter if people don't come - we are still over our numbers without them coming after all - it is somewhat disheartening. Firstly, to be saving so hard and worrying so much that everyone will have a nice time, and a handful don't actually even want to come. Secondly, to know that close family members, who you always thought were completely fine with your choice of partner, and have spent time with you both, secretly have so much of a problem with it that they refuse to come to your wedding - that is a really odd feeling. I also dislike the way no-one has told us directly, we have had to find out by them telling a relative, who's told another relative, who've told us.
|At least Willow doesn't mind having two mummies!|
Despite this initial confusion, surprise and disappointment, we can't say its something that will cause us great unhappiness. I have always joked as long as L turns up I'm not bothered who else does, and I'd rather not pay a lot of money to have someone at my wedding who is secretly thinking 'ugh, I don't agree with this'. This way, we know everyone there is happy for us, and loves us, and thats more important than a perfectly worked out table plan - spending the day with people we love and who love us will make our wedding day amazing.
So, our wedding plans now have a guest list and table plan that needs some adjusting, and at least one family row. Wow, and here we were worried that the flowers wouldn't match the bridesmaids dresses!
|Love is all you need|