Saturday, 11 May 2013

Eight weeks - when in doubt, cake

The problem with working with a whole lot of people is that I am often stopped about ten times an hour for people to ask me about the up and coming big day. I think the intrigue - or nosiness you could call it - is heightened by the fact I am marrying a lady. I was the first out and proud gay woman in the whole of the maternity unit, and although I am no longer the only gay in the village I am the only one who is in a long - term partnership, and who is getting married. I am pretty much bombarded with questions, from what we'll wear, to who will walk who down the aisle, to how our families are being, right to the usual wedding related questions all girls get - what are your flowers like? What kind of cake are you having? But this week the questions have all become merged in to one big question - "how long left?" and when I answer, 8 weeks, or right now, 7 weeks and 5 days, I get the same response "oh wow, that's not long, it's very real now isn't it?" and "it seems to have flown since you announced your engagement". And yes, they're right, it has, we began this process 112 weeks ago today, on that amazing wonderful day in Brighton, and here we are, with only 7 weeks to go.

On the whole, we are relaxed and excited about the whole thing. We have been planning for long enough to mean that all of our plans were made fairly easily, with enough time to stop, think, discuss and decide. Apart from the last few meetings, dress fittings and odd bits of stationary that need to be finished, we are very much on schedule and are enjoying the lead up to our big day.

However, this week has proved that no amount of planning and organising can stop the stress from hitting a whole new height, where other guests are concerned. This week has been a hard week. At times I didn't know how to carry on. It hasn't just been wedding related - it has been work related, family related, exhaustion related, but the vast majority of the stress has stemmed from other people. People who we believed to be our closest family and friends. People who, after we have confirmed numbers with suppliers etc, have informed us they are no longer attending our wedding day. People who have dragged this whole "I'm sorry but I think it's best if I don't come" process out all week long, leaving us tired, stressed, and me with a knot of unease and worry in my tummy all week, wondering what on earth it could be that they "needed to talk to us about" but "not until Friday, I need to say this in person". I mean, honestly! You expect me to work in a busy, stressful job where I get no breaks and work tirelessly and relentlessly for 13 hours a night, not sleep in between these nights because I'm so worried about what it is that you need to talk to us about, leaving me so exhausted I don't know how I can carry on, and crying in to the arms of my fiancee (who, by the way, has been an absolute rock through this week, and I really wouldn't have gotten through it without), just to tell us that you won't be attending our wedding day.

And annoyingly, this didn't just come from one person. It just so happened that it all happened on the same week, in the same way. So one person feels it's best if she doesn't come because she made an idiot of herself at our hen party. We laughed about it afterwards, as did everyone else, but I can only think she now feels so embarrassed that feels she can't face us, and our families. I have assured it would not be a problem, in the slightest, but no, she's not coming. Some friend. And the other one has now decided, having had two years to think about, she has no childcare, therefore her Mum, S's aunty, can't watch her niece walk down the aisle, she has to stay at home and look after the child.

The second announcement caused far more heartache than the first. Probably because S has always been close to her Aunt, she is her Mum's twin sister and so she grew up more or less having two mums alongside her Dad. Oddly, so did I, my Mum is a twin too. I can clearly understand why her Aunt not being there on her wedding day, and having to babysit instead, was just so upsetting. More upsetting were the ridiculous 'solutions' that the family between them came up with - ranging from the child attending the wedding with her Mum (I'm sorry, but have you listened to a word we've said about why children are NOT coming?!) to them having a rota system between them all to go home and look after the child, meaning that at various points throughout the day Sarah's bridesmaid, Aunt and Mum wouldn't be at her wedding day. All I can think of is why have none of them not thought of this before now? With only 8 weeks to go?!

This all came to a head yesterday, as Friday was the day that both people chose to be the day that they would tell us their 'news', It was also my first day off after 5 nights and our first day together. This combination meant there were tears, our language became less than clean and we ranted at each other and at our families / friends. Finally, we took a step back. We remembered that there are a few people in this world who would bend over backwards to watch us say our vows, and we are so very lucky to have them. But the very most important thing, and the one that seemed so clear once all of the upset had subsided - well, we'll be there. And like we said to each other many times yesterday - I'll be there, S will be there, and the others who really want to be there will be there - so does it really matter? Will we look back and remember the people who weren't there? Of course not! We'll remember the ones who were, the ones who sent us texts yesterday reminding us they love us, the ones who are always our sense of reason and calm, and the ones who will be there on our wedding day, telling us the love us, and being our sense of calm. But most importantly, we'll be there. If there wasn't a single other person is this world and each other were all we had, we'd still be the happiest two people in the whole wide world. With each other we have everything.

So with this in mind, and not having the desire or strength to hang on to our pre-wedding diets any longer, we ordered a takeaway, opened a bottle of wine, and curled up together for lots of cuddles in front of the TV. A perfect night in!

 And after an early night and the best sleep either of us have had all week, we woke up together, in each others arms. I mean, honestly, if we really needed any more of a reminder of why we have worked so very hard for the day of our dreams, here it was. And as we wandered round the farmer's market this morning, hand in hand and with our gorgeous puppy, I couldn't stop smiling. We bought cake, we chatted to a lovely couple who are fellow instagram / twitterers, we admired the beautiful blossom on the trees that signals that spring has finally sprung, and we let the stress of the past week melt away.
At our local farmers market
Back home with cake!
Later on in the day, and obviously not bored of food, we headed to our local high street for the monthly street food fair. We wandered around the stalls, chatted to sellers, and bought pancakes, paella and churros!

There really isn't anything in the whole world more important than each other, and on the day, there won't be anything more important to me than her. The guests, the food, the decorations and the dancing will all be wonderful, but when I think about our wedding day not a single one of those things pop in to my head - all I think about is her, the girl of my dreams and the girl who will be my wife. I can't wait for that first glimpse of her as she walks down the aisle towards me, I can't wait for our first kiss as brides and I can't wait to tell her I will be hers for the rest of my life. And as this week has shown us, those who matter will be there, and those who won't don't matter!


  1. Siiigh .... beautiful :)

    I'm glad you came around to what's important, it can be so easy, when planning something so big and momentous and with so many different fiddly bits to lose sight of the big picture.

    1. Thankyou :) it's been hard as sometimes I feel we planned a lot of the wedding with our guests in mind before ourselves, so its rubbish when noone seems to care. We are definitely seeing the big picture now though :)
      S xx


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