Thursday, 12 December 2013

Red and blue M&M's

After the wonderful news that the equal marriage law was passed, the UK government announced on Tuesday that first same sex marriages can to take place on March 29th 2014. This has resulted in a lot of couples who are in civil partnerships expressing their delight in being able to have a wedding / marriage, yet we seem to be in the minority of people who don't feel the need for such plans!

It is interesting that we wrote at the beginning of our blog that we very much wanted a marriage, and strongly believed that if we were given this opportunity, we would embrace it, as we wanted to be as equal as every one of our friends and family who could get married. Perhaps it took until our own wedding day to realise that in actual fact what we have IS equality, our friends and family refer to us as nothing but being married, we have always, and will always, refer to our wedding day as our wedding day, and we are very much married in every sense of the word. What we now realise is that we don't need to have the word marriage on our certificate to make our day any more incredible, or make our relationship any more valid. We didn't plan our wedding day as a practise run, or think of it as a prequel to another wedding day - we planned it as our dream wedding day, the best day of our lives, and it exceeded all of our expectations.

We promised on that day, in front of all who love us, to love and support each other. It would feel odd, after our day of tradition, white dresses, rings, vows, cakes, first dances, speeches and emotion, to do it all over again. We made sure our day was everything we wanted, so if we did it again, it would be an identical day - we would rather spend that money on travelling!

We feel that another day would be detracting from our original wedding day, and whilst others may feel that a same sex marriage is 'real' or 'legal' we would argue that ours is both of these. Looking in to the wording of the two ceremonies, they are almost identical bar a few words, and what you get at the end of it is exactly the same - a legal certificate meaning you have bound your love in law, and will work to love, make each other happy, and be together, for the rest of your lives. Having promised all of these things, and signed the legal document that confirms we are now Mrs & Mrs, which also happened to be on the day of our dreams, we don't feel the need to do any of this again. Interestingly, it seems from what we have read that those who have had a civil partnership are not permitted to have a second ceremony; one paper likened it to a planning permission application - you turn up, sign the paper, pay the money and off you go. We will do this, however, if it becomes apparent that there are any legal benefits to us being married, but so far it seems to be that a civil partnership and civil marriage are absolutely identical.

The way we can best describe our feelings is that... imagine for a moment that straight people can only have red M&Ms, and gay people can only have blue ones. We strongly believe that everyone should be able to have whichever colour they want, but we've made our blue one so special that we don't need to swap it for a red one. I have no idea why we chose M&Ms for that analogy but that's the joy of a diary, to fill with whatever thoughts pour from our heads :p

L read an article online written by Marcus Parris, which pretty much paraphrases how we feel about the subject....
"Dear Mary will soon be receiving letters from socially insecure gays, begging for guidance. ‘Dear Mary,’ they will write, ‘my partner and I are considering whether to convert our civil partnership into marriage next year. We had a rather lavish wedding-style party to celebrate the civil partnership last year. Now comes the possibility of a proper wedding party next year to celebrate the conversion. Should we? What will friends expect?’
I am not Mary, who will offer her own counsel. But if I were (say) Dorothy, and had my own Dear Dorothy column for bewildered gays, this would be my reply…
‘Darlings, your civil partnership ceremony and wedding-style party were a terrific success. Some of us were honoured to be among many dear friends enveloping you in their love, support and affection at the Register Office. We were delighted you went for the top-of-the-range option on the ceremony menu. We were touched by the poetry and music. We adored the readings from Khalil Gibran. The harp was genius. The tremor in your voices as you exchanged vows was profoundly touching, and we don’t mind confessing we shed a tear ourselves as you read out the lovely haiku's you’d composed to each other.
‘And the party afterwards was awfully jolly. We were honoured to appear in the many group photographs for which we stood around beforehand for an hour or two. We loved the lavish dinner and felt privileged to be seated with your aunts from Rhyl; we hope we helped bring them round to an understanding that the occasion was a happy one and that your poor parents would not be turning in their graves. The eight speeches were so hilarious that three-quarters of an hour of oratory seemed to pass in minutes.
The dancing was a hoot. What an inspired idea to hire that talented Bucks Fizz tribute band! The whole day must have set you back a good £20,000. Truly, those eight genial hours, all indoors on that sunny Saturday, will number among our most treasured memories. And we hope our gift of a complete set of Alexander McQueen bed linen, selected at some expense from the items on your wedding list at Liberty, will number among yours. All in all, it was a fabulous day.
But, darlings, not again. One was super. One was tremendous. But, please, not a second. How much more fabulousness can we take? How much more is there to say? How much more joy is possible? Our cup runneth over already. We’ve been to a score or more of civil partnerships over the last few years and they’ve all been thrilling — and our advice to every single one of those couples would be this - you are MARRIED dear, you've had your wedding day, let's leave it as that.
Were I to disappear, be taken for dead, observe from afar my own grief-stricken friends at my funeral, then later decide to return and surprise them, I should absolutely insist in my will that none of my friends was to go through all this again. One funeral is quite enough for one person. So is one wedding for two people. Fellow gays, take note."

We couldn't have said it better ourselves!

1 comment:

  1. COMPLETELY agree! We didn't know people were thinking of having another actual wedding, instead of just converting it if they want to - that seems crazy! Your wedding day was absolutely perfect, and would be crazy to try to recreate it again! (as much as we want to relive it!) xxx


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