Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Lovely autumn and a baby update

We haven't written about our IVF journey for quite a while, as there hasn't really been much to tell!
We reached the top of the waiting list a little while ago, and were called to inform us we had been matched to a sperm donor based on our requested characteristics. However, when the nurse looked further into the donor's profile, he had specified that his sperm was not to be used by a same sex couple. Which although we found strange (and I do kind of hope a straight couple use his sperm - and give birth to a gay baby ;) ) we figure if you're donating sperm you can chose who it goes to!
We were then a few weeks later informed we were again at the top of the list, however, the timings would have meant we were going through the most physically difficult part of treatment around Christmas Day week. My job is manic during December and January, and we didn't feel this was the best time to be undergoing a physically difficult and emotional process that is known to work best when you are relaxed and stress free - so we have decided to defer our treatment until spring next year. It also gives us time to save money so we have some for nursery planning aswell as treatment - one of the most popular searches bringing people to our blog is 'free IVF for UK lesbian couples' - unless you have a fertility problem (no, lesbianism doesn't count!) it's not free, and it is expensive!

We were disappointed to have to put off our fertility treatment, but have been enjoying autumn instead.
It has been busy, with us spending weekends away for our 10th anniversary, my 30th, glamping in Wales, and a big family party in Cornwall for Lauren's grandparents 60th wedding anniversary.
However, it has definitely been lots of fun!
We did a food swap with our friends in the USA who sent us an amazing box of pumpkin themed goodies.

Enjoying making lots of autumny meals - the green thing is a variety of cauliflower!
I also made my own vegan peanut butter cups and champagne truffles which turned out amazing!

Halloween week we visited a pumpkin patch! We had great fun picking, and later carving them into a cat (Lauren's) and a moon/stars (mine).

On actual Halloween night my best friend had gotten us tickets to see our favourite comedian Noel Fielding which was a brilliant night! We laughed non stop from start to finish!
But as Lauren and I usually have a Halloween night in, we did this on the day before Halloween instead. Lauren cooked a Halloween themed meal, then we watched two of our favourite Halloween films - Corpse Bride and Hocus Pocus, with pumpkin spice lattes and pumpkin Oreos! Even Willow got into the spirit.
The following day we popped round to my parents for a takeaway as my Dad's birthday is Halloween, and Sunday was spent shopping with Lauren and her mum, then enjoying Sunday lunch cooked by Lauren's dad.

This year has gone so fast! Autumn is our favourite time of year, and although we would have loved to have been expecting a tiny person as we enter the festive period we are happy with our decision to defer our treatment. As we have often said to each other through this process, the one thing we have on our side is the ability to plan when we have treatment / when our little one comes along…and we don't want our last Christmas as the two of us to be spent worrying about whether we have been successful or not. And in the meantime? We have a wonderful, magical life together, so full of love and adventure, so we can just relax and enjoy our favourite time of year together. Complete with a glass of mulled wine or three!


  1. I'm so happy you shared an update! I've been checking your blog periodically to see if there's anything new. You're so right that during that time you should be as stress free as possible. My job is the same way - crazy busy during the holidays! We're inseminating again this month - 4th try. Hoping for the best but will be ok if it doesnt work again because just like you two, we are happy to spend it with each other.

    1. Thanks for the lovely comment Viviana :) and yep, we've never been the type to rush anything, and we figure making a baby is definitely something to make sure is done right!
      Wishing you all the luck and baby dust in the world on attempt number 4 :)

      Sarah x

  2. Just out of interest - I'm assuming you guys are going private for the IVF - in which case, how come there is a waiting list? We're waiting to start our treatment (the delay is not with the clinic) and are assuming that as soon as we get the go ahead, we just contact the clinic and get the ball rolling - am I being naive!?

    1. Hi chickshatching!

      Yes we are going private, although we looked into NHS treatment and found costs/waits to be not vastly different.
      You go on a waiting list for a sperm donor - once you are at the top, and they have found a donor matching your required characteristics, you are good to go.
      We are also doing egg sharing (donating some retrieved eggs to an anonymous couple who need eggs) as it reduces our costs, and gives someone else the chance to have a baby. This means we have to wait to be matched to an egg recipient.

      Hope this helps! Please feel free to email us if you have further questions :)

      Sarah x

    2. Hi Sarah, I tried to reply to this a while back but my phone said no! We're also going down the egg sharing route and will be requiring sperm, I was under the impression though that they have plenty of sperm ready to go and also that they have a waiting list of women needing donated eggs - so there shouldn't be any delays .... having said that, I'm not really sure what my sources are, I *thought* they said something along those lines. We need to ask some proper questions next time we have an appointment with them! It looks like we'll be getting on the 'train' around about the same time as you guys, next Spring. :)

    3. All clinics vary on sperm\egg waiting lists so it's always best to check on what the deal is at your particular clinic. The private and NHS ones we looked into both said 3-6 months but the one we went with ended up quicker. The appointments can also slow things down - blood tests, scans, compulsory counselling, etc, we found waiting for them to come through really frustrating! (Hence why we tried home insemination, albeit unsuccessfully)

  3. Hi Lauren & Sarah,
    I recently stumbled across your blog about 3 weeks ago now and slow but surely have made my way through most (if not all!) of your lovely story so far! (Also, my gf and I are based in Birms - although I’m a Scouser held here against my will! Haha!)
    I just wanted to comment really not only wish you all the best on the journey of extending your family, but also just ask for a bit of advice? On discovering your blog the other month, what really caught my eye was that Lauren is a midwife… As I am currently a second year student midwife, I wondered if you had ever came across any issues of being in a same-sex couple whilst in the profession. Whether that be doubting yourself or any comments from colleagues or others. I understand if you do not wish to answer due to your professional status. All the best anyway. Thanks, Raech x

    1. Hi Raech,
      Thankyou for the comment, and for taking the time to read so many posts!
      Lauren has never received any negative comments at work, and has always been completely 'out'.
      If you have any questions for her she'd be very happy to chat via email, our email address is in the Contact section :)

      Sarah x


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