Thursday, 22 October 2015

The Two Week Wait...

1dp5dt (1 Day Past 5 Day old embryo Transfer) - Thursday 8th October - Lauren
So, the wait begins. It is near on impossible to want something so much and yet not think about it. But if you do think about it non-stop then it'll drive you mad. I have felt like today has been the longest day in the world! I don't want to wish away my time off work, at home with my wife, because on those busy days at work I long for some days to rest on the sofa, catch up on TV shows we love and go for nice walks with Willow, but when all you can think of is "will it work? Please work…" then it's not as fun as you might have imagined. I also promised myself not to symptom spot (yeah right!) and not to google anything. I haven't googled anything, because it won't change the outcome by googling "when does implantation occur" etc. But when you have a deep constant throbbing pain in your uterus, followed a few hours later but a few streaks of blood, it is simply impossible to stop your brain from jump straight to THAT'S OUR BABY IMPLANTING! But also, it could've been that my insides were irritated by progesterone (cue my brain saying "but it's never happened before, why would it now?") and it equally may have been some blood coming from the cervix due the fact it had a catheter placed through it yesterday. The fundamental thing is we just don't know if any of this is related or if none of it is. So we just have to do our absolute best to not focus too much on it and let nature take it's course. And believe, with positivity and optimism, that this gorgeous little embryo wants to become our baby.

Instead we have spent some time today in the beautiful autumn sunshine, walking Willow and admiring the incredible colours of the season.

 And also planning ahead, for future adventures, for things we want to do and places we want to go, whether I am pregnant or not. Because ultimately, if this isn't our time then we have an incredible life to lead just the two of us, until it's time to try again. We are extremely positive though - this feels like our time!

2dp5dt - Friday 9th October - Lauren
Feeling very positive and sure of the outcome today. I really couldn't sleep last night. I don't know if it's a side effect of progesterone but my sleep has definitely been more disturbed since being on it. I dream a lot more, too. I remember waking up about 3am this morning, thinking to myself, "that's it, our baby has implanted" and rolling over and falling back to sleep. LOL. If only it was possible to know so much. If only it was possible to peep in to the womb and have a look at what's happening! I've had a headache I can't seem to shift for the past 12 hours or so, and god I'm so thirsty! But none of these are symptoms. None of them can be related because a) it's too early and b) I'm not symptom spotting anyway! Today I am going as I always do on a Friday for coffee and cake with my Mum and sister and niece. It's the first time I'll have seen them since transfer day, and as none of them know anything, it'll be hard to keep it all a secret. But hopefully in a week or two we will have some amazing news to surprise them with, and in the meantime "I've hurt my back at work again" will be the reason I can't do anything like pick my niece up today!

3dp5dt - Saturday 10th October - Lauren
We also told ourselves not to blog everyday, not to focus on each and every one of the days, and just allow the days to seamlessly ebb and flow and then all of a sudden two weeks will be up. Except it's not that easy. Each day brings something new and I want to write it all down to remember it, and also to process it in my whirlwind of a brain. Today brings us a new heightened sense of smell and lots and lots of period type pains. But no period, fingers crossed for the embryo just snuggling in nice and tight. The time is going so damn slowly! I ended up telling my sister yesterday, after the third time of someone asking me to help lift or move something heavy (aside from my niece who constantly wants to be held by me!), so I told her, and she was gobsmacked! But as we have a huge party tonight to celebrate my parent's 30th wedding anniversary, I'm glad someone apart from the two of us knows. Someone else to help me hide the fact I won't be drinking, won't be chasing the children around the garden and won't be "helping" in any way at the party. A week until we have a agreed to test. A week until we know either way. I wish patience was a strength of mine….

4dp5dt - Sunday 11th October - Sarah
Today was the most difficult day of our wait so far. The only reason for this was this we had no plans - apart from walking Willow, our day was filled with nothing but thoughts of 'will it work? Please, please let it work' and trying not to analyse every symptom or twinge Lauren had. She found today very difficult, and got a little upset this afternoon. We tried to distract ourselves by cooking a huge Sunday dinner, and making an apple pie from scratch but it didn't really work. It's hard not to wish time away, and we are both extremely positive, but it would be great to have any doubts or 'what if's taken away.

6dp5dt - Tuesday 13th October - Lauren
Yesterday was a bit of a turning point for me. I woke up in the morning with an amazing sense of calm, and knowledge that I'm pregnant. Do I think it's possible to 'know' at this stage? Yes, I do. I can't even say why I know, just that I know. I am exhausted, like can't keep my eyes open exhausted, my boobs are sore, and they never are normally, not even when my period is due, and I have the odd bought of nausea. And then there's the thirst. Wow, I didn't know making a baby was such thirsty work! We have agreed to test this Saturday - I'll be 10dp5dt, and the embryo will be 15 days old. This way we will get a very clear positive, with no ambiguity about it. We are both so full of excitement and love for this little dude that's hanging out in my uterus already! Only 3 more mornings of no testing to make it through!!
This week we have decided to enjoy the fact I am not at work much and we are at home together a bit more than usual, and plan to do some lovely things together. Last night, after we'd had our niece all day (and who was in a surprisingly good mood for a stroppy 2 year old!), we went out to Pho, a Vietnamese streetfood restaurant that has just opened in Birmingham. It was lovely, the food was tasty, and although we both agreed it wouldn't be high on our list of places to return to, it was really nice to have an evening out, just the two of us, even if all we can talk about at the moment is this lovely little secret we have!

7dp5dt - Wednesday 14th October
Today was… eventful! I returned home from work to find Lauren extremely upset at not knowing if our treatment had worked. We are both feeling so sure, but she just wanted to know for definite, and to get the enormity of the first pregnancy test out of the way. I tried to comfort her, to remind her we planned to test on Saturday when the hCG levels are at the recommended amount. I was very reluctant to test early - having to see a negative test, even if it became positive at a later date, would have been a huge blow to me, and this outweighed my curiosity of early testing. It's also recommended that you test first thing in the morning when your hCG concentrations are highest and you haven't had anything to drink for over four hours. This was mid-afternoon, we had to leave shortly for an acupuncture appointment and Lauren had been drinking loads of water and peppermint tea as usual! Everything was telling me not to test, but Lauren was so upset, and in the end, my curiosity got the better of me too. So we agreed we would! And as she unwrapped the test, I suddenly knew without doubt what the result would be...

And three minutes later, our dreams came true!

The next few minutes were a blur of laughter and hugs and happy tears - LAUREN IS PREGNANT! Surreal, amazing, wonderful!

Although a faint, early line, a positive is a positive - if a test picks up hCG, and therefore makes a second line - ypu're pregnant!
We then realised that we still had our appointment to go to, and made our way there in a daze. Our acupuncturist was gobsmacked when we told her... the clinic had asked us to test Tuesday next week, we had planned on testing Saturday this week, but we'd actually tested today, Wednesday, and it was positive!!

After our treatment we drove to Solihull town centre to…what else, look at baby things! We also picked up some more pregnancy tests as we will still test on Saturday, not because we aren't certain that a positive is a positive, and it was a pretty clear positive, but just because it's quite fun peeing on a stick and seeing two dark lines coming up! Then in true Lauren & Sarah style, stopped for a Starbucks (it was the first day Mulled Apple was on sale in the UK - caramel apple cider in the US). It was all such a happy, exciting whirlwind I think we both needed to sit with a drink and breath a minute and think about the enormity of what we have just discovered!

As we were driving home, the most amazing rainbow filled the length sky - we like to think it was welcoming our little one!

We plan to tell Sarah's parents on Sunday when we return from a weekend in Wales, and Lauren's parents on Monday (their 30th wedding anniversary!) Until then, it's our amazing, beautiful, precious secret!

9dp5dt - Friday 16th October
We are having a baby! This thought fills pretty much every waking hour of mine, and most of my dreams too. I have never wanted anything so much in my whole entire life as much as I've wanted a baby with the woman of my dreams, and here I am, four weeks and 1 day pregnant!

We were both at work yesterday, my first day back since embryo transfer, so it was a shame we couldn't just be together to wallow in our amazing news. I have started to be a little inventive as to why I can't do certain things… for example someone asked me to pull the big heavy scan machine over from the next ward, and I said I'd hurt my back. I will tell them, soon, I'll need to to protect myself at work, but not yet. For now it's our precious little secret and I don't want it to be any other way!

The beginnings of morning sickness have started, if I haven't eaten in a while and feel hungry. My boobs are fuller and heavy, and have shooting pains and funny tingling sensations in them. I have a lot of pain across my pubic bone that Dr Google tells me is an increased blood flow to my womb. And I find myself light headed if I stand up too quickly. And then there's the crazy raging thirst! I am so excited for the journey my body is about to undertake, but right now, right in this moment, I have never been so proud of this slightly chubby body with all it's lumps and bumps that I've never liked. Because it has done something truly remarkable, it has started to grow our baby, and honestly I am so proud of it!

We are off to Wales today, to stay in a 1950s caravan in the Black Mountains. We will also do our 'offical' pregnancy test. We booked it before we knew exactly when this cycle would be, but now it's here I am so glad of the chance to go away with my little family of three, soon to be four, and just enjoy this time for what it is….the start of a brand new adventure for us all.

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